Happy Woot’s 9th birthday, y’all! If we could, we’d stop by your desk, cockpit, dugout, lifeguard chair, or clown car and have a piece of cake with you. But any idiot knows that’s impossible, so instead, we’re inviting you to eat video cake with us in a live stream we’re calling Bag of Cake!

If it’s between 9 AM and 5 PM Pacific time, you should be looking at a bonafide Woot staffer eating authentic cake in our lifelike video studio. And if you’re extremely lucky, that Woot staffer will show or tell you how to get your hands on our gift to counterintuitive marketing: a Bag of Crap!

Maybe he or she will hold up a sign with a URL on it. Or read a URL aloud. Or give you some other instructions for landing everyone’s favorite worthless pile of junk. The point is, these BOC shout-outs could happen at any time throughout the day. Look away at your peril!

The party keeps on going at Shirt.Woot, where we’re offering cake-themed shirts at 20% off – including the return of the long-beloved, long-unavailable The Cake is a Liar! Not only do these shirts look great, but they’re great for wiping cake off of your mouth with. But don’t miss the festivities: this sale ends at 5 PM Pacific.

And whatever happens, we hope you enjoy the Bag of Cake. Staring at strangers eating for hours, just for a chance to buy some worthless castoffs: if there’s a better way to sum up these past 9 years of Woot, consider yourselves lucky we didn’t think of it!